Offbeat Motherhood

Embracing My Inner Slob

I have a laid back attitude about housework.  It gets done when I can’t stand the mess anymore.  I have a high tolerance for certain messes.  Toys, laundry and the occasional dust bunny do not bother me.  I readily admit that I am not the neatest woman in the world.  There you have it, my secret is totally out.  I HATE HOUSEWORK.  I am not "Suzy Homemaker".  I suppose that makes me a lousy housewife. Maybe, I don’t know, I guess it depends on who you ask.  Everyone has their own opinions of what qualifies as being a sanitary home.  I clean my house because I have to.  I clean because it is the right thing to do.  I don’t want my family living in a complete pigsty.  Although I must say that there are things that are way more interesting to me.  I’d rather play with my kids, spend time with my husband, paint, read, dance, sing, run through the house completely naked, jump, scream ( just for the Hell of it), hike and just be free.  Housework is like a prison from which there is no escape.  It’s never ending. 

            I have friends whose homes are completely spotless no matter what time of the day you show up.  They’re like showrooms.  Everything is completely perfect.  I don’t see the character in homes that don’t look lived in.  Why would you want your house to look like the display window of a furniture store?  That always bothered me.  Do they spend every waking moment cleaning their houses?  What do they do for enjoyment?  Do they spend time with their kids?  Are there not better things to do than housework?  Let’s face it, it’s not going anywhere.  It will be there when they come home.  Homes that look lived in have a certain quality about them.  They’re comfortable.  I like to go to homes where you’re not afraid to sit on the couch and plop your feet on the coffee table (not that I would).  I don’t mind maneuvering around toys, and seeing dishes in the sink.  The kids need to play and we all need to eat. 

            I’m not saying that we should all organize a revolt and stop cleaning our houses.  I believe too much emphasis is placed on appearances.  It took me a long time to come to grips with my inner slob.  I always thought that there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t keep up with my housework.  I never took into consideration that perhaps having three children and a husband to care for might make it difficult to fulfill all of my domestic duties (Duh!).  Sure, there were days that I did not want to answer my door because of the fear someone would discover my secret.  God forbid, they saw my laundry in the living room and the toys lining the stairs.  What would I do?  What would they do?  Would they hire a maid for meJ? Or would they go back to their friends and gossip about what a horrifically messy home I keep?  I don’t care anymore.  If they do not like it they can leave.       

            My attitudes over the past few years have completely changed. I am no longer dust bunny phobic.  I have wholeheartedly embraced my inner slob and will continue to live my life blissfully.  After all, the laundry will be there when we get home.

Becoming your Bliss

I took my kids and a couple of their friends out today to see a storyteller at the local library.  While I was there I noticed three women who had to have at least 2 to 3 children at least between them.  The children looked well fed, clean and very happy.  It seemed as if they came from loving and nurturing homes.  One of the mothers in particular stood out.  It looked like her children were very close in age, maybe a year or two apart.  She appeared as if she might have been in her early 40’s although I suspect that she was much younger.  She was not a bad looking woman but I couldn’t help but notice that she looked completely exhausted and dare I say a bit distressed looking. Her clothes were a bit worn and she could have used a haircut.  I felt for her. 

What’s interesting though, is that her life seemed to mirror my own only a few short years ago.  I was a stay at home mom with three children to take care of and absolutely no time to devote to myself (or so I thought at the time).  As a result I completely let myself go.  I forgot about who I was before I had the children.  The woman that I was when I got married seemed to disappear.  I lost myself.  I stopped caring about my appearance, and my needs.  Because my needs were not being met I was miserable.  I was not a happy mommy, and although the children and my husband were well taken care of, I was not.  It didn’t matter how many times my husband told me to get out of the house and have fun, I always felt guilty about leaving my babies behind. 

It wasn’t until I had a bit of a nervous breakdown and ended up in a therapist chair popping Prozac that I realized that I had a big problem.  I no longer knew who I was.  I was a mother and a wife, but that was all I could identify with.  It was if all of the things that I knew before marriage had literally dissipated into thin air.  My mind had somehow been sucked dry.  I didn’t realize that I was not only causing a disservice to myself but to my husband and children as well.  I’d love to say that the Prozac and months of therapy did the trick (NOT!!) but it didn’t.  It was good old fashioned meditation, prayer and long talks with my husband that helped me realize and become the woman that I have become today (completely insane but definitely happy).  It took me a while but I found a hobby (painting) and cleaned myself up a bit.  I started to take more pride in my personal appearance (I stopped walking out of the house with wholly sweatpants, oversized t-shirts and bandanas).  My husband bought me a treadmill and I started to walk off the 40 lbs I gained after I had my youngest.  I even gave up my beloved junk food which I loved so well (what a feat that was).  The french fry and I had become close friends.  It was better than alcohol J.  I started to feel better about myself and I in turn became a better mommy and wife to my family.  My family was happier because I was happier.

I guess what I’m trying to say is we (moms) need to take better care of ourselves so that we can be around for our children for many years to come.  Take time to put on a little lip stick, or blush, (whatever you need to do to feel good about yourself) and be happy.  Life is too short to be miserable.  Our children will eventually grow up, you should cherish the moments that you have with them now. 

I’m not here to suggest that the woman I observed today had completely hit rock bottom like I had, but seeing her just reminded me of a time when I wasn’t so blissful about the life I created with my family.  I am pleased to announce that life is good and will continue to be as long as I continue to become my bliss. 

Maddening Days of Mommyhood

When I woke up this morning I was in a fantastic mood.  I was well rested and felt as if I could take on the world.  I got dressed and went into the living room to prepare for the day ahead.  Not too long after, a good friend of mine dropped her daughters off at the house so that she could go to work.  I sent them into the living room to play until my children woke up.  My initial plan for the day was to feed the children, have them get dressed and take them to the park.  Everyone had been cooped up for the past couple of days as a result of the torrential downpours that we had. 

            Two of my children woke up at 9:00.  I gave them a bowl of oatmeal and sent them into the showers.  My youngest woke up a few minutes later.  I fed him and sent him into the shower.  Once the children were dressed, I hopped on the computer for a few minutes to plan out the rest of the weeks activities.  In the few minutes that I was in my room approximately four arguments erupted, and the tattling began.  Toys were dumped all over the living room floor and the girls decided to have a picnic with yogurt, blueberries, apple juice and granola on top of our good chess board (which is now ruined).  My boys sat on the floor playing, seemingly oblivious to anything that the girls were doing and our dog (a rat terrier) was barking frantically because of all of the noise.   

            Unfortunately there were several incidents like that one which followed today, as a result they were punished.  This was not my plan!  I wanted to go out and play!  But because of their outrageously poor behavior that was not possible. I felt as is I was on punishment.  Why did they not do what they were supposed to do?  It didn’t seem to matter to them that their privileges had been denied, or that they missed out on their opportunity to go to the park.  They just wanted to fight and argue.  It didn’t matter what I did to diffuse the situations, they seemed more content at war than at peace.  Was there a full moon?  What causes good children to go bad?   

Mealtime Mayhem

I’ve been told that every family has one child who will not eat.  If that is true, our family is definitely no exception to the rule.  My youngest, Jules is extremely picky.  I have problems getting him to eat anything of any nutritional value.  He likes pizza, chicken nuggets and hamburgers.  I try to make meals which are nutritionally balanced, that everyone will enjoy but it’s literally impossible.  I have tried but failed to get Jules to eat fruit and vegetables but to no avail.  I’ve made smoothies, veggie burgers, veggie tacos, veggie nuggets, and made up clever names for almost everything that I have put on his plate.  But alas, he is stubborn.  He will not even admit when he is enjoying what he’s eating.  I had a successful run for a while with strawberry banana smoothies, but I made the mistake of adding blueberries to the mix and he stopped drinking them altogether (I don’t know, something about them turning blueJ).  He does like nuts, so I try to keep plenty of cashews and peanuts in the house.  The only fruit that he will eat is bananas.  I’ve resorted to replacing their regular waffles with the whole wheat variety, and tried to make whole wheat organic pizza’s with the kids.  Somehow it’s just not the same to him.  Fast food has been all but banned, but when he goes to eat at other peoples houses, who have children, he is reminded of what he is missing at home.  Perhaps there is another mother or father out there who feels my pain, if so please do not hesitate to send a comment. 

Television Time Good or Evil?

I’ve decided to try a bold experiment.  For next few months I will be cutting out our television time (mine included).  My children do not watch a great deal of TV now.  They have always been very good about entertaining themselves.  I have always been curious though about how much they would get accomplished or what wonderfully imaginative things that they could do without the distraction of the television.  How much more could we as a family get accomplished without the TV glaring at us?  When Phillip and I first got together we didn’t own a television.  We lived for two years without a TV.  I remember being more creative and more productive during that time in our lives.  I’d like everyone to ponder one question.  Is television a necessary evil?  How much influence does that box have on our children’s psyche and general well being? 

Summer time in our family is always an interesting time.  I’m at home, so my children do not attend camp, but I try to make it a point to have an activity planned out daily during summer vacation.  On those days that we don’t have a particular activity planned we’ve always have a good time playing in the yard or walking down to the stream next to our house.  How many more things would the children do knowing that they would not be able to run into the house at 5:00 pm to watch their favorite cartoon?     

Introduction

My name is Dawn Siler, I am a wife, stay at home mom, and an artist currently living in Pennsylvania.  I have three wonderful children and a great husband.  I am setting up this blog because like most stay at home moms (or moms & dads in general) I have struggles with certain aspects of raising healthy happy children in a toxic world.  We all want our children to succeed in life but how do you do it while avoiding or learning how to handle some of the pitfalls associated with today's culture.  Let's face it, the world is a lot different now than it was when we grew up (i.e. 50's, 60's, 70's, and even 80's).  Between certain television shows, music, fast food, and an increasingly more apathetic and more violent society we must learn how to successfully navigate through these obstacles to care for and nuture our future society.  I am not an expert on child care, I am just a mom doing the best I can to find my bliss, and help my children do the same.  Perhaps someone will read this and be able to relate to some of my experiences as a fulltime mom.  Peace.